10/04/1960 -

I have this old address book and I am reading all of the names
Blake Daily 562 7043459 (Blake dude!)
Stevie Adder 562 3467654 (Easy Stevie)
Susan Bale 949 7568989 (Susan B Asshole)
I’m going down names and addresses and numbers I’m going to
visit all these old friends of yours and I want
their old stories of your youth.
Of teenager and angst and short hair and Bowie and drugs
of twenties and thirties 
Teleprompter operator and a man who hunted charlie who took care of us in your home in Long Beach named Tom and he road a motorcycle and was addicted to drugs like you and he’s dead you loved him
We’re moving away to a man’s house who hurt you and fathered your children while you go to a rehab far away
three brothers split up, my eldest with an uncle, another father figure in his life because mine let him down
I can’t remember if I knew I had a third brother or not during my time spent at Dad’s
I was baptized Catholic and you would have been so upset
I want to go to these people’s houses and see what your friends have to say of T-Bone and the parties

It’s Long Beach and you’re seeing an iron worker and he’s alright
My brother and I are in Downey
You get out of Rehab and my brother and I visit on the weekend and I throw up because I’m afraid of the scary movies we watch
It’s Huntington Beach and you go on a date with that cop who’s a clean freak and an asshole
My brothers and I live in your home now
It’s Middle School and you start seeing a man named Bill from your NA meetings he just got out of prison and he has clean time and missing teeth and you marry him a year later and things make sense 
It’s High School and I’m a teenager and you’re in love still and things make sense
I graduate and things made sense for 6 years
Bill suffers a massive heart attack while driving his work truck 
things haven’t made much sense since October 2010
the month of your birth, your wedding anniversary, and Bill’s birth and his celebration of sobriety and his death
It’s 2011 and we’re trudging through debt. My oldest brother moves back home after two failed marriages and the Navy
It’s 2012
I am separated from my second brother for the first time in my life since you fled from my dad and you weren’t able to take me and you and my brothers stayed in a shelter for battered women and you’re brave and I’m never upset with you
My brothers move to Long Beach, 8 years with Dominic in Downey, 6 years with Dominic in Huntington Beach, Odds and ends before, Long Beach maybe 2 years, Downey before. Bellflower.
You and I begin packing for the forest and your brothers home.
Everyone is pushing their fears on me 
and I am just ready for the forest and my uncle’s home and his dog
and our dog may have a place and a yard and Bill would love that
to play with Pegasus in a yard 
you gave Bill three children when his no longer spoke to him
and I don’t know if they know he is dead
or who his family was
and what kind of a person he turned out to be
he was guardian and he doesn’t get to see us grow out of our adolescent life
and I don’t get to say sorry for not appreciating him enough
and what he did for us, and for you.
it’s 2012 and we are moving away form our home of maybe 7 years
and we’re scared
but we love each other
and we have a house in the forest and a dog and a new brother to live with
and this story doesn’t end
  

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